Again, again, I find I'm having to back track and catch up as I write this blog...
This would be my fifth visit to Pushkar - I first visited this lovely pilgrimage town in January 2004, and became friends with a lovely local called Chanu who helped run some jewellery stores with his brothers Raju and North. He invited me back for his cousin-sister's wedding (really his cousin, but like a sister...) in February, so I visited again the following month, met all the family who were all convinced that we were together, particularly as he made me stand with him behind the marriage thrones with our hands blessing the couple, which I later found on was a tradition that already married couples did. Little shit... also, one of his uncles, a particularly cheeky fellow named Papu, got me to bless their grandfather's feet and call him 'Saso-ji' which means grandfather-father in law. Oh, how they all laughed...
And in 2005, I went back for Chanu and North's double arranged marriages to Mona and Jyoti, donned another sari and spent some more wonderful time with the family. Ididn't see them much the following year as when I visited in Feb 2006 I was quite sick... but I sure made up for it this time.
Last time I visited, Chanu and Mona had had a son who had recently died of cot death, so it was quite a sad time. Now, five and a half years later, they have three beautiful daughters who all have their mama's dark and gorgeous eyes. Chanu hasn't changed an inch, except around his belly - he is still the same carefree cheeky soul who punches me in the arm and tries to convince everyone I am his second wife.
Chanu's family is pretty amazing. As I walk through the market there are plenty of family faces to meet and greet, and Chanu doesn't waste time in reintroducing me to the family. There is Papu uncle, with wife Urmilla and son Rishi, who was cute and tiny when I first met him seven years before. There is Sharm uncle, married to Urmilla's sister Madhu... and their daughter Gini. Next door to them live Uncle Nirmal and his beautiful wife Mumta, who hasn't aged an inch since 2004 and is still stunningly beautiful despite her sadness at not being able to birth another child since Aman back in 2002... The fourth room in the dharma sala where they live belongs to Chanu and Mona and their three babu's Puja, Mene and Daisy... I love my ability to communicate with Mona despite her lack of English and my garbled together Hindi... often Chanu will take me there and leave me there to just hangout while he goes back to the shop. One afternoon when I am suffering from Pushkar belly I lie down and sleep with all the girls on the big double bed that the whole family share... it is too hot to do anything else in that 40+degree desert heat...
Seeing how these guys live, like most Indians, makes me realise what luxury of space we have in the West. Here, there is no such thing as personal space really... when I visit Chanu's cousin-sister Neelum, one hell of an educated girl who speaks perfect English and who, like me, has trained as a teacher since our last meeting, has never had her own room and even though she is 25, she sleeps next to her 23 year old brother in the hallway between the family kitchen and their parent's room. And this is just normal for them! Living with their clothes in a suitcase... pulling it out daily to choose something to wear and then tucking it away again... I loved visiting Neelum's family in particular. Education has been important for them, and their two youngest, Neelum and Vijay are doing very well for themselves - primary teaching, and working in a bank respectively. When I visit other family members, they talk of Vijay's bank job in awed tones... and they (Neelum and Vijay) take pride in having enough money to offer me Pepsi when I visit them.Honestly, I've never drunken Pepsi in my life.. but I'm developing quite a taste for it in this sweet-toothed nation I must say!
North's family house is another I spend a lot of time in. His wife Jyoti is incredibly creative, and somehow manages to paint, sew, make soft toys to sell and cook and run a household whilst raising two sons! UNbelievable.. she speaks a few word of English and is able to t\communicate her dream of opening a beauty parlour in a year's time. After she spends an evening adorning my hands with her stunning henna designs,I know she'll be great at whatever she does and hope to go back one day and see her dream realised... She paints my hands with such grace, very swiftly creating flowers and peacock-esque designs all over my left hand before we eat (with our right hands) so she can quickly do the right hand, because by this time it's nearing midnight and I still have to make my way back across town and manage to avoid the mad dog that seems to like running after Westerners with its teeth bared. More importantly however, is the traditional superstition that a woman must not walk out after dark if she has fresh henna on her hands... at first I don't understand why, and try to guess... is it because I might fall down and get it dirty and ruin it? Because the smell of cloves and cinnamon might attract insects or worse?? But it seems that it means that unwelcome spirits might invade my soul, so to combat this problem Jyoti wraps up some salt and mustard seeds in a small twist of newspaper before North leads me out the gate quietly so as not to wake the mad dog in the neighbourhood...we make it home safely, and by morning my henna is bright and red and stunning...
I see my Indian Papa-ji and touch his feet as he holds his hand to my head in tradition.. such a lovely man. I'm saddened by the fact that his daughter Lakshmi has died in a train accident since I last visited... and when I visit Mama-ji later that day, her grief is evident in her strong broad face. Apparently she was in the train with her when she fell down from it... considering that her first husband used to beat her and Lakshmi, it doesn't seem fair that so much suffering should come to one person...
So,most of my time in Pushkar is spent with this wonderful family who fill my heart with content and welcome me in so willingly. I take and print out photos of them and their children as a way of thanking them... and try to communicate in Hindi that I will try my best to be back for Neelum's arranged marriage next February... "Fir milenge... Neelum shardi bahut koshish karungee..." I say, before disappearing into the late afternoon heat to get my night bus to Rishikesh...
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